sources unknown

dreaming of paris, listening to french folk music, writing. it has been many years since my last visit but it is the city I hold close to my heart. perhaps one day.

hong kong photographs, incredible photography by peggy wong. her photos made me look at hong kong in a different way.
a place to lay my heart. this made me feel all kinds of things but mostly how much I can relate to it. I am expecting this will be in the next fifteen to twenty years. hopefully.
burn all the liars. an article about frances farmer. it kind of blew my mind.
in defense of wanderlust. as I said, lots of travel writing.
strangers when we meet. a touching piece.
forget your personal tragedy. a letter from hemingway to f. scott telling him he didn’t exactly like his new book. a beautiful letter.
london snippets. just something I’ve been thinking about.
choose your color. one of the most incredible things I’ve looked at in a while.
john banville on samuel beckett’s letters. a piece of monologue.
the thought catalog has kind of become my bible. this, this, this, this, and this. and that. and this one. oh, and this one. and this one.
you are awesome. and other fifty ways how to say it.
something I tried to follow this weekend.

there is much more I have in my folders but I think this will do for now.

happy sunday, friends.

april started with a delicious dinner at the boathouse and a couple of bad photographs that I am keeping in one of my photography folders just for the memories. we were surrounded by the color blue and salty scent of the ocean. I was reminded of home and my mind kept drifting away. still, many details stayed with me. I wore red jeans that night. then the mattress on the floor and chocolate fudge cake with white english breakfast tea; our minds clouded with elation.

april fool’s day was supposed to be different but it wasn’t. if there is one thing I could change, it would be that day. cidade de deus was screened at joyce is not here. filmmaker was asleep in a drunken slumber on the couch. just like many years ago when I met him first. I sat quietly and waited for the film to finish. that night I walked around the streets with nowhere to go. I stayed out until the small hours of morning and crashed on a couch at someone’s place. someone I don’t speak to anymore. gypsy’s night, gypsy’s heart. I wrote in the morning at the bus station; the three palms in kowloon city. a paper cup with cheap coffee and seven dollar noodles for breakfast. I spent the last coins on a pack of cigarettes and walked home four kilometers; simply because I could and it did not matter. later that day I purchased chanel’s chance. simply because I could and it did not matter.

one night at joyce’s, a stranger said to me: keep writing. I sat on a high bar stool with a journal and a glass of red wine and thought this was the life I was supposed to live. in my mind I named the man Joe because he looked like one. strong american accent. he was surprised when I went to use the restroom leaving all of my belongings unattended. I said to him, it’s okay. we’re at joyce’s. the real joyce laughed at this and offered us a free drink. that night I was alone and didn’t mind at all.

all photography by my beautiful friend hannah grogan. you are my favorite and I love you. thanks for the gorgeous day and cupcakes.

april 22, 2012.

april twenty second is always a special day. I turned twenty one this year. I share my birthday with jack nicholson and that makes me happy. it was a beautiful day. it’d been a rainy week but on sunday it was just sunshine, blue sky and warm air. perfect summer afternoon. on that day it felt good to be alive.

I am quiet. too many things are happening at the moment.
one of these nights I will find time to sit down and write everything down.
I miss writing daily for enjoythewait.
often I think about returning to 366 but I know how it would end.
in the meantime above are some words to think about.
personally?
they keep me awake at night.
I am on an emotional roller caster at the moment but I am okay, I promise.
april has always been good to me.

Buy her a cup of coffee. Remember the coffee she drinks. One day it will come in handy knowing her order without thinking about it.

Give him a book written by Georges Perec without a single letter e. The geek inside him will adore you for this and his messages about the book will keep coming for days. Pretend to be mad when he ruins the book.

Let her wear your shorts to bed and your cologne the next morning. It will make her miss you throughout the day but she will keep it to herself because in a way you will be constantly present.

Kiss his shoulder while you are standing in a line, waiting. Smile a little but don’t say anything. He will look at you a little closer.

Let her have your Kindle even though she swears she will always stay true to books. Then ask her every week how many books she has already read. Watch her hesitate with her answer because she doesn’t want to admit Kindle is actually a great thing.

Give him your jumper that is a little too big for you but fits him just fine.

Invite her for a game of Scrabble when you are hangover. Instead of playing against each other, play together. Laugh. But not at her. English is her fourth language.

Suggest to him to play tennis with you. He knows about your passion and love for the sport and he will want to see it in person.

Ask him to come to the beach with you. Let him buy you dinner; in turn you can buy him a cup of frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles. Let him feed you spoonfuls.

Tell her about your day. She wants to know.

Tell him stories from your childhood. The smallest details you can remember and things that are important to you. He wants to know. Leave out the negative about your family.

Watch the Lion King with her. That movie means more to her than you can ever imagine and sharing the experience with you will become important to her. Embrace her softly when she gets sad after Mufasa’s death. No matter how many times she’s watched it, she’s never ready for it.