notes on her personal experiences » Notes

day thirty seven

sara — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:58:54 +0000

rain pours behind the windows;
the white light in the office headache is inducing.
my headphones are the only thing providing any form of consolation. flashbacks from last night. feelings, emotions, confusion but with a strong certainty.
what did I just type?
I am not making any sense today and the stereotypical tasks of today are actually welcomed.
cupcakes from a fellow intern and venti cappuccino.
I forgot to eat yesterday.
frantically browsing through craiglist and gumtree in hopes of finding something that could interest me. reading the new yorker and the times.
an idea for a short story came to me in the middle of the night but I didn’t have a chance to write it down. the fact that it is irreversibly gone now makes me doubt myself.
long messages to a friend in australia, simply because our friendship has grown stronger since his visit last week.
sometimes I just need someone to listen.

day thirty six

sara — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:46:39 +0000

I write lengthy letters to lovers and hope to accomplish nothing. the coincidental alliteration is beginning to annoy me. it is too much of a constant. daily constants. I am trying to think when is the last time I managed to spend the entire day just writing. in pajamas. with extensive amounts of coffee. because yesterday was just like that. I am thinking of my other daily constants. the coffee, the cigarettes being the obvious. but. I am beginning to wonder about other things. I am wondering whether I could be willing to make someone a daily constant. the doubts, the questions, the insecurity. attempts to drown my own mind have been unsuccessful. but there’s a couple of new people around now who put a smile on my face every time I see them. which is important.

I purchased another nirvana t-shirt in hopes it would remind me of my roots. but instead I am finding myself spacing out to the tones of habib koité, rokia traoré and oumou sangare. the significance of this is, perhaps, more than obvious. I sat with an old high school friend, just laughing and talking. the guitarist joined us at some point. there were some other people that I haven’t seen for a long time. hazelnut boy waited patiently before I made up my mind and took a taxi back to the dark side. in the morning, he wasn’t shy to admit that waiting for me, sometimes, has a sweet ending of an entirely sleepless night. we argued again but we missed each other more and it wasn’t relevant to begin with.

of course.

seven hundredth post

sara — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 04:54:40 +0000

I never thought I would reach such a high number. I remember posting the hundredth milestone felt like such a big accomplishment. because in the years before enjoythewait I was in a habit of deleting my words every few months out of pure fear that someone I know in real life would discover them. things have changed a lot. twenty hours of sleep. the solitude of an empty apartment. cups of black coffee and cream vegetable soup for breakfast. plans for today include the minimal things: cleaning up the apartment, writing, listening to music, drinking copious amounts of coffee. maybe a short walk in the afternoon, a trip to my favorite bookstore in tsim sha tsui. but apart from that? nothing. I am giving myself a little break. everything else can wait a little.

35 :: 366

34 :: we have grown together, but mostly just apart

sara — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 04:38:35 +0000

listening to my friend hannah’s incredible playlist. she’s moving back to hong kong next week, which is one of the happiest news I have received lately. I cannot wait for the photographic adventures, endless coffees in town. I’ve missed having her around. just having a friend in town. what somehow makes it special for me is that she’s a high school friend. depending on how long you’ve been following enjoythewait, but some of you might remember the hatred stage I was going through back in 2007. I hated everything about high school. the people, the teachers, the work, the uniform, even the fucking building itself. everything. when I came back from new zealand at the end of march 2008, things changed a little bit. I started making friends. most of them are my friends now. last night one of the first nights in a long time that I enjoyed myself. drinking with the same people I used to hate. and now I cannot imagine my life without them. scattered all over the world but having an extensive list of things in common. I wish I had seen that sooner. but I guess it’s the natural process of making friends.

33 :: 366

sara — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:10:33 +0000

I wore his hoodie to work today. the same one I’ve been wearing since chinese new year. that fatal monday. I can hardly make out his cologne anymore but there’s still a faint scent leftover in the material. I haven’t seen him, I barely talk to him. we fight and we argue every time we see each other. the silence at the end of the day was too much for me to bear. I swallowed my pride and talked to him first. unresolved issues. lots of them. and then that other guy whom I cannot even remember. but I know he was there. I stopped writing the red district chronicles some time around august but I should probably go back to it. it’s been a year since I wrote my first letter to the guitarist. he’s still around, he’s still here. our friendship is rare and it’s the only reason why I am taking care of it. there’s too many other words on my mind but hopefully I will find the right way to reveal them soon.

eight o’clock in the morning, conversation got boring.

32 :: february

sara — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:26:17 +0000

I awoke to sunrise this morning. yellow light filled my bedroom and I would have given everything just to stay in bed the whole day. february is my least favorite month. I am not sure why; it seems as if the shorter days have somehow taken away the quality of the month in general. maybe it is simply because hong kong’s weather in february is not impressive at all. then there’s valentine’s, which I despise. I am thinking of a little project to change my mind about this month. I am going to try and see the bright side as well.

how about you? what are you thoughts on february?

31 :: 366

sara — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 04:59:32 +0000

it had been a long day. I began my new job as an intern at time out hong kong. it is going to keep me busy for the next few weeks and I am hoping to expand; take my writing some place else. the newsletter editorial that is being prepared for this week is underway and there is another half a dozen things on the list I have to focus on. but it is okay with me. the atmosphere of the office is just as you would expect for a magazine. messy desks, endless stacks of previous issues, boxes of the latest one, film posters and photographs of celebrities. hong kong art festival. boxes, boxes, boxes. envelopes and other paper paraphernalia. and then there’s the people. some of them I’ve met throughout the years of hanging out on the streets of hong kong. the anxious ones go out for a cigarette every half an hour and the rest just stocks up on the caffeine supply. there’s always a deadline ahead and I like the pressure of it.

then the globe. it has been a while since my father and I just sat together for a drink. talking about everything and nothing. I already mentioned the importance of this, coincidentally about the same time last year. hazelnut boy joined us half way through and then he left. it was like a déjà vu. again. the same corner, the same facial expressions. the same bullshit. me quitting, giving up. but I knew from his eyes that he doesn’t believe me. I don’t believe me. and then two hours on the phone, sitting down on the sidewalk, trying to sort things out. the thin line between love and not wanting to be alone. it is interesting though that his empty words still have an effect on me.

30 :: pretending to be charles bukowski

sara — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 12:17:08 +0000

the globe -
ideas floating around the street lights; flickering
no reason to believe anything
because people come and go
sometimes they would return
to the nothingness
of empty white bedsheets
of empty nights
of empty souls
barefoot and writing in a bar
but I wouldn’t know
because
I am long gone
hidden in the streets of the real chinatown

29 :: a boost of inspiration

sara — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 10:11:42 +0000

Exclusive Photos On My Facebook Page Tumblr Flickriver Twitter " longdesc="" />
by neamoscou

***

quiet sunday. home made cream pumpkin soup with parmesan for breakfast. searching and collecting inspiration throughout the afternoon. beautiful DIY projects; I am thinking of starting a couple of mine. finding consolation in earthy tones. looking at photographs of paris; one, two, three. and then the double exposure. lots of yellow and green. I am missing colors despite it being only a few days after chinese new year. colors palettes like these make me feel warmer.

in fact, I am doing whatever I can to keep warm.

her multiple choices

sara — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:46:35 +0000

early awakening; before sunrise. the apartment felt warm enough to walk barefoot. a quick cup of coffee before catching a taxi to kowloon city. ninety multiple questions in sixty minutes just for fun. the process of elimination. I passed by his house on the way back home. the sun was out and the sky was blue; my mood lifted up immediately. I spent the rest of the morning watching barack obama’s state of the union speech, twenty minutes into to it I couldn’t tell whether I was feeling apathetic or furious at the fact that there’s even a possibility of him not winning the second term. how can he not win? but. I don’t want to talk about politics.

instant pho noodles for lunch, a couple of episodes of new york on the overheated sofa. after six days spent inside, I decided to leave the house. carefully choosing the groceries, thinking of nothing. I picked up my camera again after entire seventeen days of not touching it. the shutter felt stiff; I felt as if my sense for composition has abandoned me. hopefully I will be able to see colors again. the lifeless weather of the past three weeks caused me to forget how to capture things around me.

early evening with the filmmaker in one of the hidden streets of sheung wan reminded me of some of the things I’ve left behind. unwillingly, unknowingly. homei cafe, iced coffee, wandering neighborhood cats, the flickering of streets lamps. we saw a beautiful loft with a terrace. the place seemed entirely out of place and I felt envy looking at the couple sipping from their wine glasses, separated but unified with the surroundings. I wish I could haven taken a photograph of that brief moment. hollywood road, shut antique shops, deserted dark streets. club seventy one after a long time. hong kong problems taken to another level. his little notebook and soft-tipped pencil. what was supposed to be obtuse became pseudo-intellectual with a hint of over-analysis. but that’s how we are.

I’ve missed afternoons like this.

28 :: 366