where were you when I needed you? past tense.

where are you when I need you now? present tense.

two different things. no answer to either, because you simply don’t give a fuck.

I don’t know where you are, I don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know anything anymore. but that’s okay. I’m currently writing a piece that’s titled those seven months seem like a distant dream, this is my reality. I started it half an hour ago and I am already at two thousand words. it’s very honest, it reveals everything, it’s a chronicle of everything that has happened in the last (exactly) two months. and I’m only at the beginning. there’s so much more to be put down and I am also never going to publish it. there’s no need. I’ll probably delete the file as soon as I finish writing it. self-destructive, but effective.

last night was a complete shit. well, not all of it. I met up with a friend, we went on the roof, our place. we talked for hours, I kept checking my phone all the time. eventually, we moved down to wan chai, for a couple of drinks, the rest of the group was late. everything was empty and closed and I hated the music in the every single of the bars. I kept running into people who couldn’t be bothered to call me the night before and that is just awkward because they are lying and I know they are lying and they know that I know. so, last night was a complete shit.

the only good thing happen was I caught a glimpse of the prince edward boy. now I believe he’s actually in town and there’s a chance of me talking to him. another guy was starring at me for more than ten seconds and asked me whether I liked his scarf. do you want to touch it? but of course that’s not what he meant. apart from this, I wasn’t really enjoying myself and I was trying to ignore the fact that things can change really fast and there’s nothing I can do about it. however, I did receive a text at five in the morning that said, relationships are about being there. good or bad. and it made me realize that there are still some people that I can always count on. it is insane how much has happened in the last two months. in the last two days, in the last two hours. and that’s what my two thousand and counting words piece is about. I’m also working on some other things right now, I’m rediscovering my lost inspiration for short stories. hopefully I will be able to write more than one in the next few days.

and as for today, I spent the majority of the day on the beach with the half greek, half italian boy and his friends. plain chinese noodles for lunch, shopping around the markets, walking around, just enjoying ourselves. at the end of it I ended up in the red district again, but only because I am beginning to realize how much I’ve been missing out on. I finally got myself a scarf and it’s not mine.

but I guess it’s okay.