to whom it may concern:
two years. the anniversary of nothing, really. when something that was never going to have a soul was diminished into nothing. killed, faded away.
one of the biggest mistakes I made then was not taking care of myself. I slipped into a trip of guilt, survival-mode. I should have taken care of myself. nurtured the hurt, revived whatever felt dead inside of me. and there was lots of it. I should have taken care of myself. physically, emotionally. but I never did. once I talked about it, but I haven’t made any progress. zero.
today was not as horrible as I dreaded. I was scared of my own instability. sometimes I would feel tears swelling up in my eyes, but never quite overfilling. it wasn’t because I pushed them back in, but because there were not that many. I don’t have enough tears to cry. the only thing of abundance is the guilt. or was. I am not sure what I feel anymore.
maybe it’s better like that. I am not reminded of anything anymore. not even when I walk past something somewhere. through our conversations, I healed. which was a bigger surprise than anything else. I hadn’t expected for that to happen.
and I’m grateful. I’m grateful that through our conversations, I slowly healed.
do you even know it was today? and if you did, did it mean anything to you?
signed oscar wilde.
rebranding. in the last three or four months I have been working on rebranding myself. this process has taken longer than I originally expected and I am still not finished with it. saratomovic.com looks a little bit different again and I expect this is the last draft of the website I will be retouching. business cards, personal signatures and paraphernalia, which will be offered for sale in an online shop are in the works. I don’t expect anything to be fully ready before october or november. this was the project, the task, that I had given myself at the start of the year and I’m pleased to see small progresses on a daily basis.
professional life. one of the aspects of my life that need urgent changing. it is not so much about changing anything as much as it would be about moving on. finding new opportunities and moments to turn into chances. I have enrolled into online courses and e-newsletter series that helped me and pointed me in the right direction. I expect new developments quite soon. the “up in the air” stage is coming to an end. but I found what I was looking for. finally.
writing. oh, this one. this one never really stops and writing is always a work in the progress. I’m working on it, I have got a draft already, still proofreading, I’m consulting with a friend. except for the last one, I’ve used them all. all of these excuses to lengthen the time I had for writing the final piece. but guess what. recently, the folder with finished pieces began to stretch into a list and not just mere two or three files with incomplete drafts. I’ve been making progress.
tying up loose ends. the most difficult from this list. in fact, I’ve barely made any steps forwards. I’ve probably not moved at all since the start. there has been a lot of one step forward, two backwards. there has been a lot of frustration and anger. sometimes even hurt. still hurt. and then it magically, randomly passes and I feel like communicating. at that point, there is no stopping me and I find myself sending out random messages. contained with nothing much of anything. some affection, some mockery, some mistakes. after a day or two, we circle back to the beginning, which is a sign for me to descend into misery again. and so it goes on.
quiet afternoon, mid-week. I needed a break from work, away from the desk and laptop. four-thirty in the afternoon. I missed my lunch because of the heat. june days in hong kong are rarely cool and easy. sometimes around the middle of may, the city begins to preserve the warmth, creating a greenhouse effect everywhere you move. it’s difficult finding a cool shade in the streets of the city these days.
unless you venture out to kowloon bay for an iced coffee at kelly & moss. you’ll find yourself in a spacious area, uncharacteristically quiet for hong kong. zero carbon park is hong kong’s own attempt at creating a more sustainable environment, which is an attempt at which hong kong as a city, as a community fails. it does. hong kong failed, fails and keeps failing at creating a sustainable city. in fact, it barely looks if anyone is trying. with the exception of this tiny space and some others.
my office is a two-minute walk from this café. it’s relatively a novelty and there were a couple of things, which I loved straight from the start: paper straws and the white and light persian green. you can only sit outside, which is the best option, really. the iced cappuccino was ideal. I opted for no sugar in order to sample the coffee, which suited my taste. a little bit bitter, with subtle hints of sweetness. a bit caramel-ish, which is exactly the way I like it.
the prices are within hong kong standards. $36 for the iced cap. skimming through the menu, I remember thinking the prices were nothing out of the ordinary. a bit pricey, yet as per usual.
I wouldn’t go for a snack as the options are minimal, almost non-existent. in the two times, I’ve been there the kitchen was not opened and daily soups and salads were not on offer despite the menu board. all in all, I would recommend this place for a coffee with a friend or quiet moment of self-contemplation. with a full stomach.
I will be there on a weekly basis for a coffee break from work.